To my Sunday morning text comes his response: "Well said. I was hoping we could be friends. I really like you but do not see us in a long term either. I cannot deal with a social butterfly, social butterflies are terrific but not as my partner. You have done nothing wrong and what I was really trying to say is that while your personality is terrific and I get along with you very well I know me. Your job and traveling and desire to go out and socialize and inability to keep it to yourself is really not good for me and my particular dysfunctions. We all have them and I do appreciate your acceptance of most of mine. We can take a little time off here and talk when it feels comfortable. I miss you already. I'm sorry I was accusatory... my defenses are hyper active. I'll probably be single forever and that actually sounds good, my discomfort in relations is acute."
You think? And really, "well said?" That sounds like a defense mechanism if you ask me. I answer back: "I'm pretty sure that if I had an ability to 'keep stuff to myself' that you'd find a way to twist that around and call me a liar. If your discomfort in relationship is as acute as you say, then you might consider staying away from ADC. It's unfair to women looking for a quality, healthy relationship to meet and think you're a candidate when you're not... Sorry, I'm getting personal now but I'm just terribly disappointed."
Disappointed that it had to reach this point, that we didn't talk over the phone instead of text, disappointed that I ever joined the "new friends" at Maggiano's that second night because I never would have gone if I had anticipated this reaction. But wait a second, nothing was wrong with that either was it? It was a great night that allowed me to hang with Beverly D and introduce her to a potentially strong client in Karen. Anyone of the male persuasion coming up and wanting to talk would have heard "I have a boyfriend" just like the dude from the night before (a boyfriend who has an awesome cock and is fucking spectacular in bed and that I would never cheat on because no one on the planet rocks it like he does in bed or elsewhere).
But we digress. He replies immediately: "You JUST told me you only wanted a friendship. You could not and would not subject yourself to me any further. What did you expect? I don't have to give up hope because you're personality type does not work for me. My type does not work for you per your last text so I guess you should give up hope as well. I guess you're saying I've been unfair to you? There are never any guarantees. If I find someone who is more of a homebody and doesn't require interactions with total strangers to make them "happy" then I feel I could make a go at it. I'm wishing you well and trying to be nice in my last few texts. I've said I'm sorry for my shortcomings. I've said I miss you. I've said I'm thinking of you in a positive light. I haven't done anything to you! I'm just getting along as best I can and I know I have fallen way short of your expectations but try to see the humanity here."
Hooked by adrenaline and need to be right I parry: "I don't require social interactions with strangers to be happy. You have taken one aspect of my personality and used it to end a relationship. And yes, that is unfair."
I know how true to my core the above is, that one aspect of my personality has been used to end a relationship and that I absolutely can never diminish, hide or play small. If the view is that I am too much, then perhaps he is NOT the lover for me as the quote goes from Women Who Run With Wolves, "Although some might really prefer me to behave myself and not climb all over the furniture in joy or all over people in welcome, do it anyway. Some will draw back from [me] in fear or disgust. [My] lover, however, will cherish this new aspect - if he or she be the right lover for me."
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